Rewind: What would you do differently in life if you had a do-over?

There has been a common thread with my clients this week. I heard from a client that has been tremendously successful in his numerous business ventures, but he feels that he has failed his family over the years because he was overly focused on business. He said, "I made it the primary focus of my life and basically ignored everything else." Another client told me tonight that he wished he could "do it all over again and do it differently." It reminded me of something we do as children—request a do-over! Remember do-overs?

 What would you do differently if you could live life over again?

After I had my open-heart surgery, I sat on the front porch with my middle grandchild and he said, “Grampa, I am glad that you didn’t die.” I asked what made him think that might happen, and he replied, “I heard mommy and daddy talking.” Then he asked me how old I was. When I told him he said, “Wow—that is a big number!”

That got me thinking. I am so happy with how open and curious he is. If I could live my life over, I would live my early years with more openness and curiosity. I would embrace every experience as an opportunity to learn and grow like he does.

I don’t think he was worried, because I asked my son about it and he said that he didn’t think he was worried because they prayed about it as a family. I, on the other hand, worried about everything when I was his age. If I had it to do over, I would worry less, pray more and develop a deeper relationship with God at an earlier age.

He enjoys playing football, baseball and basketball and he practices all of them a lot; just like I did. But I demanded perfection from myself whereas he just seems to enjoy the journey. I have come to realize that mistakes are not failures but stepping stones to wisdom. Hopefully, I can transfer what wisdom I have to him. I now know that I would prioritize relationships over achievements. I was so focused on achievements that some of my most important relationships suffered. But I am conscious of it now and working diligently to help him realize that connections that we spend time and energy on are what give life true meaning.

I spent a lot of time chasing after things, status and achievements that ultimately didn’t really fulfill me. I want to set the stage for him to listen more, love often and be present rather than chasing things. I want him to learn more about himself deep down and to love God and his family outrageously.

I took a lot of risks in business and most of them paid off—due to the grace of God. And what I learned was to pursue my passions without the fear of judgement or failure. I encouraged my sons, and I am encouraging my grandchildren to trust their instincts, their God given spirit and to follow paths that excite them.

Time is our most precious resource. I have learned that the wealth that I have been blessed to accumulate should be used to create memories. Help other people, explore the world and contribute to something much greater than me. I am currently working on instilling these values in my sons and grandchildren.

I have always tried to control things as much as possible. The home that I grew up in was a bit dysfunctional. So, when I had the chance to control things it gave my life predictability. However, I have discovered that to truly feel free, I would need to embrace the beauty of life’s unpredictability. A strong faith in God was essential to this change in perspective. I encourage my grandchildren to relax and enjoy life’s unpredictability. I believe that my middle grandchild already has it, and I pray that he retains it.

I now practice gratitude regularly. I am deeply grateful for all of God’s blessings. I appreciate even the small everyday moments that I used to not even notice. And I take the time to tell God and the people in my life how grateful I am for them.

Finally, I would take better care of myself. I spent many years driving hard for success, reputation, recognition and accumulation. As a result, I have had three near death/critical illnesses in the last 12 years. I learned—the hard way—that I should take better care of myself mentally, physically and emotionally. Self-care is essential to a happy life. I have stressed this with both of my sons, and I hope they pay attention. And I believe that they take better care of themselves than I ever did. It is part of living a balanced life which I want for my grandchildren.

I strived to leave a positive impact on the people and world around me. I stressed it when I owned my own businesses. I stressed that all my associates and team members have a servant heart. Even the smallest act of kindness ripples outward like a small stone thrown into a still water pond.

I want my grandson to live to make each day count. Not just for him, but for the world around him. We talked for a long time on the porch about all these things. And when we finished, he told me, “Grampa, I hope you live forever because I have a lot to learn from you.” And I said, “I think you already know a lot of this—just continue to be who God created you to be.” For me, I wish I had a do-over knowing what I know now!