Getting Reconnected: How servant leaders are built.

A few weeks ago, I consulted with a client in a major city and stayed downtown, close to their office in a very nice hotel. When I entered the hotel, the desk clerk was on his phone, and I almost felt like I was interrupting him to get checked in and get to my room. As I went from the desk to the elevator, I noticed that everyone that I walked past had their noses in their phones. As I got on the elevator, everyone else in the elevator stared at their phone as we rode up to the 20th floor where I got off.

The next morning as I got to street level and walked toward my client’s office, I noticed that most people were either talking on their headsets or looking at their phones. And when I got in my client’s office, his secretary was on her phone. We are consumed, in this world by constant noise, constant interruptions, and constant distractions. Remember the circus act where the acrobat twirls plates on sticks—starting with one plate on a stick, adding another and another until he had eight plates spinning on sticks? It seems to me that we live that way today ~18 hours a day, seven days a week.

Last summer I was at a baseball game for my oldest grandson. During the game, I had been summoned to the top of the hill to play in the sand with my 3-year-old granddaughter. As I played with her, my grandson came up to bat and I turned my back to watch because often, my grandson will want to know what I noticed during his at-bat. Suddenly, I heard my granddaughter say, "Grampa, turn around. You are not paying attention and I am talking to you.”

As I got into my meeting with my client and he explained the issue that he needed help with, I must admit I was a bit surprised. He said, “I have been trying more of a servant leadership style, and it is not working." I said, "Tell me more about it. How have you implemented servant leadership and how do you know it is not working?” And he told me, “I say yes to everything, and my team takes advantage of me. They don’t participate much in meetings and they don’t offer much as far as suggestions. In fact, no one discusses anything, they all bury their noses in their computers or phones. And I end up doing far more of the work than I should have done."

Servant leaders look very different. They don’t lead in a country club atmosphere. But my client is not alone, many leaders today try to please everyone. And they avoid conflict like the plague. In my opinion, that is not leadership. That is self-preservation disguised as kindness. It may work for a club, but not in a business or professional organization. And it kills trust. It kills growth. And it eventually kills culture. The fact is that real servant leadership looks very different.

In a real servant leadership organization, you support the growth of each team member. You measure success by how your team members rise, not by how much you control them and how they conform to strict guidelines, budgeted hours, or other metrics. To be effective you have to lead from behind, not from in front. Instead of jumping into the spotlight yourself, you push others into the spotlight. I have witnessed narcissistic behavior in abundance in organizations recently. And, eventually, it destroys the trust faster than anything. In the process it will destroy the culture and eventually, it will destroy the growth. It creates friction, causes extreme turnover, and puts up roadblocks. So why do so many organizations allow it? Often it provides short term success. And people who view themselves as servant leaders allow it to happen under them.

A servant leader clears roadblocks (including the narcissists). They remove friction and obstacles so that team members can move fast. They don’t just deal out tasks, they give authority to others and empower them to get things done. Instead of controlling team members, they coach them. They ask, they guide, but then they trust them to get it done. They create a safe space for their team to speak up. They make it safe for them to tell the truth, to be bold, not timid. And the team members do not hold back because of a fear of failure, embarrassment or retribution.

No, you raise the floor so that everyone can stand taller. You lift others up; you never put them down. You welcome their viewpoints and praise their input. You make sure that every voice is heard. It is when the opposite environment exists that team members bury their heads in the screens. Not only do you lift others up, but you also make it a goal to amplify the quiet voices by making sure everyone’s voice gets heard.

Servant leadership is not soft. It is fierce. It is deliberate, and it is how you build teams that don’t just simply follow you—they own the mission, they dream, they think and they do. Servant leadership is not saying yes to everything. It is not avoiding conflict, and it is not pleasing everyone.

Servant leadership is leading from behind, supporting growth, clearing roadblocks, empowering others, coaching not controlling, lifting others up, creating safety and amplifying quiet voices. I coached youth baseball teams for over 20 years, and the teams were very successful winning national championships. Why? Because we had kids that were very good at this! How much more successful would highly educated, experienced, and successful executives be if they changed their game?

Scripture says, “The greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.” It tells us, “To do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility value others above yourselves.” But as pointed out above, a servant leader must be strong and courageous. This leadership style starts with the attitude; it starts with how we think. As Winston Churchill said, “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” It seems to me that sometimes leaders get that confused.