Control: Could You Be Better Off Trusting in God?

I have continued to work with a client dealing with painful circumstances. But this is not uncommon at all—I see many people in the boardroom and the prayer room dealing with some form of pain. In that time, I have found four ways that people typically cope with pain: blame, shame, control, and escape. And, I have found that joy is one of the most vulnerable emotional experiences we can encounter because the very act of holding something wonderful-like a gift or good news-is accompanied by the possibility of loss and heartache. I have found that it is okay to question. Our questions make a claim that we trust God and are depending on Him in our lack of understanding. There are many characters in Scripture that have moments of questions of struggle with God.

Sarah is an example. She experienced infertility which caused her to become impatient with God’s timing. So, she took matters in her own hands by resorting to a surrogate marriage of her servant and her husband, Abraham. This was a commonly accepted practice in those times. But it is a good reminder that just because something is normal doesn’t mean it is healthy or God’s intended design.

Hagar (Sarah's servant) became pregnant and looked upon her mistress with contempt. In response Sarah mistreated Hagar causing her to run away. This is what I would call a cascade of pain.

Like Sarah, many of us know what it is like to be afraid to dream because we might be disappointed. We're scared to hope simply because we might be left heartbroken, abandoned or rejected, and as a result, pessimism, holding a lack of hope for the future can become a trusted guard against pain.

Like Sarah, we worry that we will be disappointed by the story God has written for us. We know that He doesn’t plan our suffering. But we are afraid that His plans for our lives and what He allows or doesn’t allow will always be something we grieve.

So, we rely on pessimism and cynicism to protect ourselves from vulnerability rather than trusting the mystery of God and the possibility of His plans. I heard it in the prayer room this week. The person that I was praying with justified it as just being a realist. I heard the same thing in a consulting client conference. We all do it from time to time. We use it as our means of control to take the element of surprise out of uncertainty that often accompanies our hope and wonder.

But it doesn’t work. Believe me—I've tried it. The reality is:

• Anticipating pain doesn’t lessen it, but it does guard against joy.

• Protecting ourselves from disappointment doesn’t work and isn’t possible in this world. We will only protect ourselves from being delighted!

• Gazing at our own experience narrows our line of sight to the limits of our own humanity. This leaves us unable to cultivate our spiritual imagination and wonder with excitement about what God will do.

Here is my question to my client and the others that I have encountered in the prayer room. In fact, it is the same question that I ask myself when going through panful circumstances:

Are we really willing to settle for a vision that is limited to our fear and personal experience, excluding what is possible with God?

The answer is clearly no—for me, my client, or for you. Let’s be excited about what only God can do. Nothing less will do.